Walking for Dummies

I can remember way back in yesteryear, when men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry cre... Well, you did the idea.

Way back in these olden days, I was taught something very valuable by my parents - street etiquette! I thought I may share a few tips and tricks with you so that you too can become a decent human being.

1) If there are people walking all around you, you're doing something wrong. Either, speed up a bit, move to the side more or stop standing there and picking your nose. People clearly want to get by you and you're being a hindrance to these kind folk.

2) When the little green man is showing, you may cross the street (legally). When the little red man is flashing, that means "DON'T START CROSSING THE GODAMNED ROAD YOU IDIOT". When the red man is just on, it means "Cross here if you wish to die". There are some exceptions to these rules... SOME. If the street is COMPLETELY devoid of traffic or if you know, without any doubt, that you will not interrupt the flow of traffic in any way, shape or form. Cars are a lot heavier than people and as such, if they're coming towards you and collide with you, the car is not going to feel much. You will. And you deserve it too.

3) If you're crossing the street at a pedestrian crossing, cross the street in a group. If you cross the street in a line, or scattered groups, it delays traffic. This makes me very sad as I'm an avid motorist and I like to actually be moving when I'm driving. Not watching a marathon of people crossing the street indi-fucking-vidually.

These people make me want to cry for the human race.

In closing, don't be an idiot.