Speaking of Green and Red Lights...

...And crappy human behaviour in general - Some people need to be aware that when a green light is displayed on the appropriate traffic signal, you are supposed to begin accelerating. Staying stopped at said green light is not the right thing to do. Neither is just randomly stopping for no godamned reason.

I think I might stop now...This seems appropriate. What's this light you speak of?

There is almost nothing as irritating as someone who decides to just forget to go at the green light, especially when said lights change after letting about 2.6 cars go through... AND YOU'RE THE 3RD IN LINE.

Enough about traffic signals, let's look at something equally annoying now - lack of roundabout etiquette. We've all seen the signs that say "DO NOT QUEUE THROUGH INTERSECTION" in certain problem areas. I like this sign - It's simple, to the point AND ITS YELLING AT YOU WHILST MAKING SAID POINT. Why oh why do people assume this is okay at roundabouts then? It's the same principle! If you block the roundabout, you're essentially stopping the traffic from flowing!

This is around the corner from my house of a morning. No, really.

It's bad enough that the school zone starts about 6km before the damned school and there's a "kiss 'n' drop" point which is essentially the road on which I am driving but then the people just have to get through the roundabout one car ahead of the next poor sap - WHO WAS ACTUALLY TRYING TO TURN AWAY FROM THE TRAFFIC AND NOT IMPEDE YOU!!!

Wow.. Three exclamation marks - That's how you know shit means business.

Walking for Dummies

I can remember way back in yesteryear, when men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry cre... Well, you did the idea.

Way back in these olden days, I was taught something very valuable by my parents - street etiquette! I thought I may share a few tips and tricks with you so that you too can become a decent human being.

1) If there are people walking all around you, you're doing something wrong. Either, speed up a bit, move to the side more or stop standing there and picking your nose. People clearly want to get by you and you're being a hindrance to these kind folk.

2) When the little green man is showing, you may cross the street (legally). When the little red man is flashing, that means "DON'T START CROSSING THE GODAMNED ROAD YOU IDIOT". When the red man is just on, it means "Cross here if you wish to die". There are some exceptions to these rules... SOME. If the street is COMPLETELY devoid of traffic or if you know, without any doubt, that you will not interrupt the flow of traffic in any way, shape or form. Cars are a lot heavier than people and as such, if they're coming towards you and collide with you, the car is not going to feel much. You will. And you deserve it too.

3) If you're crossing the street at a pedestrian crossing, cross the street in a group. If you cross the street in a line, or scattered groups, it delays traffic. This makes me very sad as I'm an avid motorist and I like to actually be moving when I'm driving. Not watching a marathon of people crossing the street indi-fucking-vidually.

These people make me want to cry for the human race.

In closing, don't be an idiot.

And Now For Something I Do Like!

Today I started my new job.

I woke up at 8:00 to start at 9:00.

I was able to enjoy some breakfast at home and sit down for a few minutes before driving all of about 5 minutes to my new office. I love this.

Thank god that I don't have to use public transport anymore...

Inconsiderate Mobile Phone Users

And whilst we're on the topic of the terrible mess that is humanity and public transport, I'd like to point my dislike finger at the idiotic mobile phone user who decides to spend an hour on the phone on the bus trip home. We've all had a long day at work and nobody wants to hear your 16 conversations with "Becky", "Summer", "Babe" and your damned mother.

The intimate details of your life do not need to be shared with a bus load of people, dammit! I also find it absolutely amazing that your level of sobriety changes depending on who you are talking to... Being drunk is not the coolest thing in the world and loudly proclaiming that "OMG I'm liek totally shmashed" to your dearest friends probably only makes them think less of you (unless they are as shallow and stupid as you are), as the rest of the bus now thinks less of you.

"Hi Mum, I'm not drunk. Can I call you back soon? I'm just whoring around atm!"

Talking on the phone on public transport is fine, as long as the conversation is quiet and short so as not to disturb my zen.

Crying Babies + Terribad Parents + Public Transport

Some people should not be parents. It's as simple as that. I can completely understand that babies cry - it is in their nature, after all. That being said, babies that sound like they're dying a slow, painful, agonising death should probably be given at least a little bit of attention. When you just sit there, dying baby in pram, laughing and chuckling at the fact your baby could quite possibly be Satan, it really does say a a fair bit about you as a parent.

Actual picture of demon-baby. I'm about 89% sure this was on my bus.

All that I ask is that you could at least attempt to pick your child up and make it turn its volume down, just a little bit at least. The human brain is apparently hard-wired to dislike the sound of babies crying. My guess is that all bad parents who allow this to go on are either a) deaf (which is no excuse because I'm not deaf and therefore it's still irritating as fuck) or b) not human.

Madam, kindly please attempt to quiet your child

It's just common courtesy that if your offspring is disturbing the serenity of the entire fucking bus you at least try to restore the Zen and calm on the bus.

And another thing, HILLSBUS DRIVERS, are you aware that if your bus is full and you have a back door, you can open it? Hell, You could open it even if the bus is not completely full and it would still be nice. This would make disembarking significantly quicker and less annoying. Squeezing past people is not my idea of a good morning activity.

Idiots.

Cold Toilet Seats.

Don't think you wouldn't get a mention, you menace to society.

One More Rant

Australian. Fucking. Drivers.

You, the whole damn lot of you, are quite possibly the worst drivers I've ever had the displeasure of sharing the road with. You are the reason the traffic is so bad. My express (what a joke) bus was magically turned into a squirming cesspool of hate the moment the driver

announced "the M2 is so badly congested, it's going to be quicker for us to take another badly congested road with a slower speed limit".

Wait.

What?

Seriously? GODAMMITSOMUCH.

And I blame all of you pathetic fools who has no idea how to, for example, merge. It's not exactly difficult to master! The hidden trick is to not come to a complete damned stop to join the already happily moving traffic! And you, the person who speeds up to not let the person in - you are not without blame either as you've just broken two laws. Speeding is in fact a crime and so is not letting a merging car in if their lane is ending!

You might be thinking "but Russ, surely even in your godlike abilities, you too are an Australian driver and therefore by your very own logic must be terrible!"

You'd be right. I'm just much a much higher grade of terrible. I have the advantage of being thrust into a country on a recent holiday that DOES know how to drive and it's basically learn fucking quick or die in a fiery 130km/h death all while having insults screamed in French from every fucking angle. Every Australian needs to learn to drive by a European.

An Aussie who didn't quickly learn whilst driving in France.

I'm not without my flaws - I speed pretty much all the damned time but at least I'm courteous. I give a thank you wave, I let people in and I try to be the least amount of douche bag I can possibly be.

The First Dislike

Ignorant. People.

Simple, isn't it? Every day, I have to try and fix some ignoramus' (ignoramii's?) computer. This wouldn't be an issue normally as, hey, that's kinda what I'm paid for but when 95% of the issues I've been asked to look at consist of "my monitor doesn't work" or "my computer wont turn on", you'd think the business would consider some basic

IT training for all staff! I'm not talking about teaching them anything technical, just something as simple as... "Check that the damned (computer part) is plugged in before contacting me"

I know I'm not the only one to have to deal with this issue (but this is my damned blog and I'll cry if I want to) and I'm sure people enjoy the occasional chuckle they get from Joe Bloggs over by the window who has no clue but the point I'm trying to raise is "Why, in this day and age of technology, do people not realise that things that need power from an electrical outlet need to be plugged in?!" Computer illiteracy is the most common excuse I hear from someone when I give them my patented and subtle "You're an idiot" look. Are you toaster illiterate too? Are you hair dryer illiterate too?

A confusing piece of machinery, this is.

I can tell many of you would be thinking that perhaps I should just write a basic document for people to go over as basic troubleshooting techniques. Good idea! Shame I only last 3 weeks in this job as the travel is damned near killing me... If I was staying here, I would have said something by now or at least mentioned it to the boss but as I'm leaving, I haven't said anything and as such, I'm still irritated. Plus who the hell reads those emails from IT anyway... Don't judge me.

An Introduction

I had an amazing realisation today - I really don't like a lot of things.

I mean, I know that certain things are just downright annoying and those of you that know me could say I may/may not have "anger issues".

Here's the situation for those that don't know me; I'm 24(at the time of writing this), I work in IT(today is my second last day in this current job) and godammitsomuch some things just really piss me off.

I will be elaborating on my many issues over the course of this blog and to be honest, I don't care if nobody reads it as it feels oh so nice to vent to a wider audience as opposed to individual people. One at a time. Copy and pasting the same damned thing over. And over. And over.

Chances are, if I'm mad, I'll write here. If something has irked me, I'll write about it. If something has rubbed me slightly the wrong way, dammit - I'll write about it! I'm aware that this idea is in no way original and hell, I might realise that I also really don't like blogging either and in a quick puff of smoke, this could all just stop suddenly without any prior warni

ng. See what I did there? Yeah, my humour is almost godlike.